As a writer, it's your duty to find ways to spice up your writing, nay, spice up your very sentences. Using active voice and not too much 'to be' verb is a start. Not always writing the same sentence length or following the structure of subject-verb-adjective-object is also good. Eradicate the adverb from your memory banks? Yes, dear god, yes.
But there is so much more out there my friends! Like the paraprosdokian (from Greek "παρα-", meaning "beyond" and "προσδοκία", meaning "expectation") sentence.
The paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.
Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a syllepsis. Another great one to try. Here's an example, as I remember it, from a story written by one of my students years ago, "She was pink with tulle and perspiration." You pick two very disparate things that can both be linked back to the original word, and put them together. It has the same effect as a good metaphor. The trick is not to force it. Don't look like you spent longer than two seconds creating it.
Some examples of funny paraprosdokian sentences (if they're not your style, write mean or dark or wry ones. Make it your own).
If you're really into this, there's a Facebook group for it (of course!):
(By the way, I have no idea where these came from. They were forwarded to me in an email so if I'm infringing on somebody's copyright, just let me know and I'll pull them.)
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Ø Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Ø I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Ø Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Ø The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Ø Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Ø If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
Ø We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Ø War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Ø Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Ø To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
Ø Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".
Ø Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Ø Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?
Ø You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Ø Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Ø Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
You get the picture.
