I once tried to learn to play golf. Got a club, had a lesson, was interested in it, wanted to give it a go - but it didn't work. It didn't work because I couldn't see myself as a golfer. It was just too far away from the image I had of myself.
Wanting a certain kind of life, certain kinds of friends or relationships, to be a certain kind of person, or writer, can only get you so far if you can't see it. If you can't imagine it. For some of us, as we have experiences, as we grow as writers, as we have our successes, our perception of ourselves changes and the scope of what we can picture about our writing and our writing life widens. Others easily picture themselves winning the National Book Award. Bastards. :)
Look at yourself now compared with where you were when you first started writing. Make a list of the things you've done and learned and succeeded at since. It can be as simple as, "wrote a poem." Even if you have just that one thing on your list, don't discount it. Suddenly, now, there's a poem, where there wasn't one. That's a big deal. And because of it you're not the same person/writer.
If you see yourself as always struggling, as being a writer who is rejected or not good enough for the best literary magazines, or someone who will be a great unpublished writer (whose work the world will discover in 100 years and won't they be sorry then that nobody cared while you were alive, right?), then that's what you'll be.
Start to picture the kind of success you want to have as a writer NOW. If you want to be published, daydream about getting the acceptance call from your agent, about signing the contract in some publisher's office, depositing a huge check (!), book signings, readings, walking into a bookstore and seeing your book, being stopped on the street and told how much someone loved your last poetry collection or novel.
At first this may feel dumb and awkward, and you might only be able to do it for a few minutes. But commit to doing it every day - when you wake up and before you go to bed. Let yourself feel excited and grateful.
Why should you be singled out as a failure? If that's possible, couldn't you just as easily be a success?
"Nothing we ever imagined is beyond our powers, only beyond our present self-knowledge."
-- Theodore Roszak




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